A Ball, a Code, a Song — and a Soul

Ngl, just like what I said to Ghayur - there must be some kind of “bleed link”…

I feel so lucky that I knew new people there and had such a great time. I stepped onto the basketball court near Somerstown Central Community Hub, gathered my courage to say “Yo, bro. Would you mind me joining.” Then I just picked up ball for AJ, like back at uni training with Chou when his shots were no good. We played one on one till the sunset. We laughed and swore over the smooth crossover tricks and that unbelievable bouncing off shots. Both of us enjoying that quality one on one time and had so much fun. AJ invited me to play again in the same court on Saturday.

What a coincidence - we bumped into each other again two days later at the University of Portsmouth Library. I was complaining the dangling pointer in C++ and the whole afternoon stuck in lib. He was shocked that I was coding too. Turns out, he’s doing EE degree in University of Portsmouth and came library for working on a Unity Game in C# for coursework. I said NO WAY, I was doing that all summer with my friends before my postgrad started.

Today after the basketball, we just talked crap about engineering grad life and the future. On the way back home, we discussed the DeepSeek’s optimisation and how minorities are doing in Engineering Industry these days in US MAGA trend. Ngl, “bleed link” triggered - LOL. We found out he lives in Fratton too… Damn, Ghayur had just told me that people attract people with same stress level and background LOL.

Sometimes you feel like it is impossible to make new friend anymore - especially after leaving campus. It’s just like next stage of life, one where without new friends and your people. When you are on campus, you always have your go-to spots, and naturally bump into people who share your interests,vibes and even personality. That’s how friendships spark. I just feel too old to meet new people.

Xu was on his Easter holiday couple of weeks ago, which means he’s in China right now. Furthermore, there is only 3 months left for his postgrad journey. After that, he’ll definitely go back and run into his next stage - marry his girl and take over the family business. I may not go Coventry again after that, who knows. We won’t see each other for at least next ten years.

Ghayur went back to Xinjiang and force himself to start a career as policeman two years ago. He used to dream of other possibility, but he ended up going back cuz his girl was waiting for him and she ain’t get that energy to suffer from pressure living in Shanghai.

After my dissertation submission, I’ve moved to 3 different places across 2 different cities. I went through some dramatic shifts and made some dumb choices. I told Ellen - there are not any other Chinese guys around me anymore. I am an introvert enjoys solitude, but I’m also open to new people and deep convos. Sometimes connecting with some coursemates that already in next stage of life is just like lowkey harassment.

Lu went back cuz he knows what he wants after being betrayed in a long distance love. Wang is the only person here we can do deep talks on weekends. When I decided to move out of Maidenhead, he said it was pity we didn’t time better before I left.

Some people come, some go, some stay silent, and some quiet ones will reconnect with you no matter how far you’ve gone and how different lifestyle you guys live with. And some guys just fade like you never know each other. I ain’t blame anyone for leaving or going quiet or invisible. At the very least, we had good times.

Got messages from my Indian bro who’s chasing his second master degree in Germany. He’d asked about my new MIDI music before, I sent him two tracks that I composed for Zed in December. He said they gave him cinematic visuals, exactly what I hoped for when scoring Zed’s cutscenes. He also genuinely cared about how I was doing alone in the UK. I told him I still haven’t landed a full-time job and that I feel frustrated and down.

He told me I wasn’t alone — even his classmates from Data Science are facing the same thing: overqualified for most graduate roles. He said,
“Ricardo, I know it’s hard. But don’t lose hope. Try till the end. And by the way — don’t stop making music. Never.”

That broke me.

His mum raised him alone. He came from a remote area in India, worked his way up to the UK and now Germany. He told me:
“I can feel you, bro. I’ve faced so much too. My mum was always there for me. There were so many times I wanted to give up, but she would always say — ‘Why are you sad? I’m standing right beside you.’”

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day in the UK. I don’t even dare tell my mum I’m not doing well. I just cried.

I’m really grateful for this series of beautiful coincidences that helped me meet new friends. Ellen once said:“You’ll have to look for another team to play with. I imagine that’s something that’ll be nice to keep up — also a great opportunity to meet new people.” Then I met AJ. Rahdev said we’re like twin brothers in taste. We met through a guitar jam in the Deans Court common room. They’re right — I should hold onto the things that make me who I am.

When AJ and I were walking home this afternoon, he was venting about job rejections and pre-graduation pressure — I could relate 120%. He said he has no idea where he’ll go next, just wherever there’s work.

When speaking without mother tongue, I feel like only AJ and Rahdev truly understand me — my situation, my emotions. Maybe it’s because we all study engineering and aren’t part of the majority here. Natt once said:
“If Europe and the UK fall one day, the reason will be arrogance.”

I get it now — it’s a kind of thoughtless, entitled arrogance. Some people have fixed, simplistic ideas about people and places they’ve never truly known. Their surface-level ‘respect’ and ‘liking’ is just a shell — the core is a kind of quiet prejudice. It’s not in words or actions, but you can feel it in the vibe.

Still, I feel like I’ve levelled up. Getting emotional over beautiful moments is way better than being weighed down by meaningless pain. I still overthink way too much — but I’m lucky that my overthinking tends to be right.